If it were up to me, when it comes to the day our twins Gavin and Garrett came home, there would be a full blown party that takes time to acknowledge how my life forever changed for the better when I became their mom. We wanted nothing else but to become parents and it seemed to good to be true that we somehow would have that blessing come with two adorable toddlers.
With adoption comes special considerations and at the very forefront is the necessity to give the adoptee space to consider their own adoption story. This means giving them the opportunity to voice their feelings or curiosity knowing that it's going to be met with unconditional love and support. Just like any mom, there is nothing they could or say that will take away my love or happiness of being their mom.
Social media isn't going anywhere and it comes with so many different views on adoption, often extreme and one sided. There is the "adoption savior" posts. Making it seem like parents who chose to adopt are saints and only tells the glamor part of the story. Imagine from my kids point of view- thinking how it must take a saint to want to be their parents. Trust me- my husband and I are the lucky ones. Then there is the part of that message that has the ability to make them guilt or shame if they decide to want to explore their biological family tree.
And then there is the adoptive parents are just strangers and the villain in these situations. "They just do it for the money" "All that money should go to the birth mom" are a few themes I've read on this side. News to me, we've never received a dime for our adoption. I guess that's the problem with trying to lump all types of adoption in one category. And the families who need to fundraise to adopt or foster families who receive a stipend are not in the wrong. You can imagine the confusion and hurt my kids may feel seeing those type of messages of their family. Would they believe we conned their birth mom? Would they think we only had selfish intentions?
For us, in some hope to quiet all that noise, it will always be their choice on what to do or celebrate on our adoption day. It may change from year to year and I'm here for all of it. In the end I'd rather them get annoyed with my yearly "Hey so your adoption day is coming up, is there something you'd like to do this year, or is there something that's been on your mind?" than "well mom you always told us how happy you were and hosted this party we didn't want to upset you by letting you know we wanted to wanted to visit South Korea"